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from Phantom [EP] by Tonedeff

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Created especially for the Polydisc editions (SOLD OUT), you can now own the Phantom EP (Polymer Part 4 of 4) on its own individual disc. Contains the groundbreaking track, "Control". Original foreword by Tonedeff. Photos: Scut36. Artwork by: Brian Christopher

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Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).

Stay. No, don’t.
Go away. Come close.
When I say what I want’s not the same as what I’ve done. Oh no.
It’s coursing through my veins.
Coursing through my veins.
I’m out of control.
I can never tell when it’s over.
When I say what I want’s not the same as what I’ve done. Oh no.
It’s coursing through my veins.
Coursing through my veins.
But I want control.

The jenga pieces were fucked from the start.
Cause everything that I touch falls apart.
There’s a faulty part of me resting, till it gets the best of me,
let’s me reach for the structure and then it shoves on my arm,
I expect to be late - in a rush, cause it’s smart
And it deafens my head to negate the buzz of the alarm.
Though I set it, I slept through it - wait...which one is the mark?
And who medelled? I wrestle with blame - while drunk up at the bar.
Then I’m shredded to death the next day - too hungover to march
to the set of this expletive play, in what’s known as a farce
This director resents and degrades - I flub all of my parts
and I exit the stage, yet I claim that I’m numb to his remarks
I’m an expert in lessening in pain, I cut over the scars
So the flesh that is left can remain untouched, pure as the dawn
But the second it festers, I rage. Destruction of the facade
Ain’t no guessing the recipe’s flavor, when crunched under the char
It’s excessive in plenty of ways, I’m stumped? Then I restart
Cause If it ain’t perfection, I fade - I run towards the dark
Like there’s medicine kept in the shade - he crumples up the art
I regressively step and the baby gets dumped with the water
The penalty’s heft on mistakes is much heavier/harsh
So, when I mess up - reset the game - and thus - never go farther
A vet to rejection and hate, I’m huddled in my guard
So instead when I’m sent a grenade, I can bump it out the park
But he tends to deflect any praise and lumps it with the snark
My perception is - yes, I’m afraid I’ll fumble at 1 yard.
I’m sweating whenever there’s bets to be placed, stuttering over the odds
Leveraging a defensive delay, by shuffling the cards
Petrified of success and acclaim, he stumbles over the blocks
Every hex is accepted with grace, he’s comfortable in the loss
He projects, the trajectory’s safe, it’s control he can chart
There’s sympathetic attention to gain - the shrug nobody wants
And it's all the expense of his angst, I gun solo - it’s hard
instead of help - incessant delays - it does most of the harm
And when wave of depression came, he jumped right over the barge
And in my dread, I was led astray and I dug holes in my yard
My ex suggested we separate, cause I suffocate with art
But there were many more pressing plagues, that were stuffed within our cart
And then when I checked out, I felt my brain, I shut it in response,
Ain't no prep for the sense of shame, when your woman knows you lost - 40
I felt dejected, my selfish ways, had crushed my lover’s heart
And then my plus 1 departs, like they were plucked from the ark
Temporarily end the ache, with sluts, hoes and thots
On the bus home I’m starving, cause my stomach’s full of knots
And as I slept in this bed of blades - he’s puffing a cigar
Cause he deceptively fed me bait, and drugged me with his charm
It’s like a sedative - hence the haze, you’re somehow absolved
Knowing there’s someone else in charge as you plummet and you fall
I relent and self-deprecate, and publicize my flaws
Turning these lemons to lemonade, in a punch filled with straws
Everyone begs me to get a taste, it’s ugly but it’s strong
As I struggle to evolve from a duck into a swan
yet this devil won’t let me change, he’s sunk in with his claws
Until he collects every debt I pay, I’m stuck within these walls
I’m living within an enemy state of mind, but instead of a stranger, penning these checks,
The evidence states, the enemy’s name is mine.


I’m outta control. I want you to know that my mind is my foe, and it vies for the throne
I’m trying to hold it inside, but it won’t
Subside and it grows, unless I can oppose it by fighting to own
what I’ve pridefully thrown to the side cause I’m prone to be private and closed
So, writing this tome where I’m highly exposed, helps lighten the load
of the lies and loathing, the size of a boulder that’s tied to me
Hope l survive to be old and wiser, bestowed with the spite that I’m owed
from the life that I’ve broken - the price of atonement is dying alone
And I’m out of control - And I’ve driving it home - every wind in road Is the kind that erodes
And behind me it’s broke, I stay alive going forward and hide from my ghosts,
but this self-sabotage is a complex process where the conflict’s
brought upon by my own impulsive thoughts and then I’m haunted at night by them both
I was psyched to propose, so hyper with goals, and despite this he chose, to incite a divorce
And reclined as a drone in his stifling work, then he cries in remorse
In a cycle of woe, it’s dividing my soul
And one side’s got to go. But I just cannot decide if I’m the parasite or the host.

There’s something wrong with my head.
That shouldn’t be there.

I’m out of control.
I’m out of control.
I’m out of control.
I’m out of control.

Don’t ever change. Don’t ever change.
Cause it won’t change. No it won’t change anyway. (41)
So you can stay the way you are.
The way you are.


from Phantom [EP], released October 29, 2018
Written & Produced by Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
QN5 INC. All Rights Reserved.


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Tonedeff New York

Emcee / Producer / Singer / Songwriter / Designer / Director / Insomniac.

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