1. |
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"The Things You Don’t See Coming"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
They’re touches that you never feel.
Cuts that happen in the heat of your fight.
You’re just the last to know it’s real.
And though you can’t recall, they sting in your side.
Something’s coming. Just beyond your feelers.
They’re warnings that you never hear.
Till the glass explodes - it’s seen with your eyes.
Forever captive of your fears.
Your distraction holds your ransom so high.
There’s no signs, no rhyme, no reason, why and how, right now.
Once you know it’s over - you’re the last to find out.
These are the things you don’t see coming.
Tie the blindfold tight.
These are the words of another victim.
Standing still as they’re killed by the whiplash.
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2. |
And They Watched Him
02:46
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And They Watched Him
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
A poor boy, just 5 years old
Enchanted with the noise that chimed in his soul
He lined up every goal, as a child he was certain
And everyone that he told, asked him not to disturb them.
And they watched him - and they laughed.
And as he grew, he would prove that he had it
And man nobody knew how he was doing this magic
From music to graphics, to movement and acting,
He made it to the television screen and he smashed it,
And they watched him - and they clapped.
But he withdrew from the lure of the rap shit
Because he couldn’t do what the suits would be asking
He told then all the news, he would choose to be absent
And everyone he knew, was confused by his actions
And they watched him - and they gasped.
He moved to the big city of dreams
The very thing he swore he wouldn’t do as a teen
He generated news and the views was obscene
But his heritage and speed was hard to market, it seemed.
And they watched him - and they passed.
Out of frustration, he would launch his scheme
Began to cross the nation as the boss of his team
And people mocked his validation, cause of online streams
And told him that he was soft because they watched him sing
And they watched him - and they mad.
And his big day came and it went
Cause every dollar spent, went from promo to rent
And since familiarity would always breed contempt
They would leave him - when he couldn't meet the needs of his friends
And they watched him - and they ran.
Now people act like he doesn't exist
And every first he ever hit has been bumped from the list
And they run with his shit, spitting it quick minus his wit
The every-man online turning their sung parts up in the mix
And he watched them, and he laughed.
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3. |
Hunter (V2)
03:38
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Hunter
Written By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
Well, well, well if it isn’t this motherfucker again! Are you serious?
You figured that nigga had disappeared and shit, but here he is/
Wielding the power of perspective you only get when investing years in this
Cause nothing’s more expensive than experience/
And I’m spent - delirious - ballin outta my mind,
And I’ve lost it, I’m buying all of ya off, fall into a line
Every fraud has a price, and it’s bottom dollar bargaining time/
You can’t offer me bribes cause all that you got is already mine/
But that’s awfully kind – Thanks! Now shut your fucking mouth!
Y’all been fucking round…in my fucking house.
I’m hearing the same voice coming out of a hundred mouths –
a hundred thou, if we count the underground
And there’s nothing I frown upon harder than air quote "artists"
Borrowing their whole product from whoever’s popular and then ain’t so modest
Like they so hot because they so blogged
Like it wasn’t their marketing dollars that paid for all it, No-wait! Don’t call it!
Don’t hate, Tone! Play the game, don’t knock it
But that is a lot like forcing me to swallow your snot, then being like “Hey! don’t vomit!”
Y’all way too soft on these a-holes, dog,
I’m saying this shit from a place so honest there ain’t no wrong in it – FUCK EVERYTHING.
When I wrote Politics I was a kid acknowledging all of the shit
Now I’m an adult and I feel like a prophet,
Like how many shots did I call? Should I call my accountant?
Since Hip Hop - the counter culture - became the culture of counting
Yet, accountability's dead – We just out for them checks
So proud that we gotta sell out for respect
And the barely hidden insincerity is so foul, you live with the threat
That hi-5’s are always followed with a request
Somebody said that success is the best revenge, And it’s a point so valid,
That niggas is all network, no talent
It’s an imbalance, so telling it like it is just might destroy your access
To this circus of trend-whores with coke habits - Well, I’ve had it!
I’m earnest - to the platelets in my bones
And anyone afraid to burn a bridge is too lazy to build their own
I’m obsessive compulsive - reps are what I know.
A perfectionist with a restraining order - can't leave well-enough alone
So, I tend to expose the devil that’s close,
and that never bodes well for their soul-selling M.O.
Like when our distributor fell in a hole and said they were broke
but they kept what they sold so I never saw a cent of my dough.
Here’s another lesson to quote, becoming friends with the press is a NO
Cause they grow resentful, it’s best the less that they know
Them muffuckers pretend that they’re so essential – the probe isn’t farfetched -
They’re just star-fuckers with pencils in tow –
But yo. the most disrespectful joke especially low.
I bled for this, bro -
Even went to the post to send you this dope -
Indie is trendy so Majors will cloak their artists as independents and pose
That’s like repping as organic Pepsi & Coke/
You didn’t do it yourself! You ain’t authentic, you never knew what I felt
The disabling stress that ruined my health
You're claiming credit like you ain’t abetted by ludicrous wealth,
and then aided by numerous helpers, You may fool em well, cause who’s gonna tell? Me… Shitbag!
Did you get a billion views from an elf? (Oh it’s magic!)
Clear channel don’t have no room on its shelves for a book of spells
You know that shit’s bad, when a kid’s hat is a big splash
And we skip past if he spits raps, but his hip dance is a hit smash within six flat
It’s a bitchslap in the face, when you’ve mastered a trade
And every brick you’ve paved for their way is smashed in a day
And so rappers become actors, and then actors become rappers
This ain’t fantasy fulfillment, this shit is facts for the stage!
It went from Sucka MCs to wack niggas to herbs
to faggots, to lames, backpackers, netcees to nerds
To hipsters to blog rappers to frat, struggle to drill
But none of those name come if you’re ill.
I am the hunter that went for the jugular
Spilling the blood of other hunters, And still I summoned the hunger to kill
But you bring out the worst in me, cause them pickings ain’t nourishing,
And it eats me alive - it hurts when this stomach is filled
The new run of the mill: chasing fame. In this day and age. When brutality’s raging
Like fashion and throwing cash in our faces, is gonna change it.
It’s vapid, it’s aimless, I can’t quit, I have to just say this -
Cause I’m a fucking man – and that’s dedication.
End of statement.
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4. |
Competitive Nature
07:17
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Competitive Nature
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
V1:
I want to win. At all costs.
Till any son of a bitch that snubbed the kid is long gone.
And every fucking sin on my bucket list is crossed off
I’m an all-star on a loaded roster, But got off to a false start
and then stalled in the wrong ballpark, Had a major shot, played to a strong draw
But I was X’d out. Probable Kaws? Art.
I ain’t just good, kid, I’m the top dog with a loud bark
When I want a moment of silence… I’ll ask you what my flaws are
And in the end, niggas post up frozen like Narduwar
Odd ball with the flow, poser bros get exposed
As popular frauds who only come with an image, Don Jon
Sharkeisha. Period, If there’s blood in the water, I drop jaws
An ensemble that’s authentic,
Cast as non-credited extras in the Hip Hop documentary yawn-a-thon
So I’m here to re-edit, embed it with everything that my squad is on
Preventive measures are taken, so there’s a bar lost
My competitive nature’s mistaken for hate, I caught y’all
Big fish in a small-pond niggas singing our
swan song
Isn’t this typical? It’s all our fault.
So, witness the business move as they outlaw salt
When favors were called on, in a pinch, that’s all y’all brought to the mix,
So now history is just false by default
With the industry’s trickery and them broad lies are bought
But the sense for vengeance within me’s killing me, I oughta find the resolve to let it go.
Hook
There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
There’s nothing you can win that can’t be won.
Don’t want it anymore, so I gotta let it go.
There’s nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
There’s nothing you can bring that can’t be brung.
Don’t want it anymore, so I gotta let it go of my competitive nature.
I gotta let it go of my competitive nature.
I can’t make you love me - no!
I gotta let it go of my competitive nature.
I gotta let it go of my competitive nature.
V2:
See, everybody wanna be the best - and do none of the work.
Leave you to cook dinner then come for the desert
Well there’s nothing they can do that I can’t, but that doesn’t work in reverse.
Ain’t another person on earth this versatile when I turn a verse
I let Polymer serve the purpose to further confirm these terms, but it won’t -
Cause sheep think everyone’s the GOAT - ya heard?
And the heard has heard of me, but they never heard me and it’s tragic
This urban legend gets censored –press has cursed me with a past.
And I’m banned, because the word “veteran” is the dirtiest in rap/
And then with my level of longevity - Never tires when I kick the facts
They reinvent the wheel – Auto-Tune it to fix a flat
In single comparison - Let’s mix and match –
Dig the pattern: When they get to smoke, they’ll take 2 hits and pass.
But by the metronome, niggas’ll get two clicks and gasp.
With no breath control, They’re a vegetable,
These pussy liars get put up on a pedestal, Expect that Tone average 6 bars in a breath
and it’s a spectacle, Shit’s off the wall, like it was a Pettis blow
Tell me you heard somebody, better duke! Dead it dude!
The best technical rapper alive – What do I gain? From it?
I’ll comfortably say, “Nothing” when it comes to the paying public
If someone with cake does it, it’s suddenly gangbusters
So, fuck who you name, buddy, who’s buzzing’ll change hundreds
Of times, It’s a case study – if one of us gains love,
We’re divided, we chase money, become what we hate for something we like.
V3:
I used to watch these awards shows with tears in my eyes
Cause I was supposed to be there in my mind
And here were these guys who’d appear overnight, that’d be stealing my shine
And I had spent so many years of my time, recording and performing
And writing lyrics since 9, shit my career was my life
So, failure was death, son I’d only disappear if I die
We’re talking serious drive - off of a cliff,
No partner assist. No inept investors who were steering him wide
You hearing them rhymes? Shit is clearly a crime – they’re scarier live
So, when some other peer would get signed
And it would spear me inside, stressed and depressed behind the veneer of the smile
But I have to face the facts so let me put a mirror to mine
My fear is to lie - in a coffin, After I’d accomplished
Only a fraction of my thoughts and feel cheated of all my progress
So cheer me on till the funeral. Here we are in the rawness:
See those who have what you want, did what you knew could do
but couldn’t cause it wouldn’t be true to you
You don’t wanna make music for douchey dudes? Then do whatever suits you is cool.
But the proof’s in the putting, you moved in them shoes
HARDCORE. The most brutal music is fueled by the truth
If there’s an improvement to you - then money who in the fuck are you losing to?
So, test your limits and pursue the goals that you control
The next assertion about winning shit that you should know -
Is success will determine if I’m driven or delusional.
Peace.
\\\---BROKEN ARROW-->
Broken arrow good for nothing when there's nothing left to slay.
Let these torn and tattered clothes impose their stories on the stains.
Oh, they're aiming for me now.
They want proof I know my way around a bow & arrow.
Let these torn and tattered clothes impose their stories on the stains.
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5. |
Demon
03:34
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"Demon"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP)
V1 - ANXIETY
Up in the morning I feel the immediate beat of my heart that is speeding up
Feeding a demon that’s seeking to eat at my being
I get up to pee and I think of a million things that I need to achieve
And the chi is depleting I’m sinking while dreaming of singing
I’m brushing my teeth, and I'm seeing the bleeding
My vigorous scrubbing is leaving the gums till they’re bloody and beaten
My stomach is screaming for something appealing to munch in the PM
But what I’ve been dealing with really been keeping my hunger receding
I want to proceed but I’m weak, and wiggin the fuck out I’m freaking,
I’m stuck in a rut and the wheels of my brain have been peeling away in the deep of the mud
And I’m eager to rush to the people to bust on the beats in the club
But the meetings they come by the dozen, with none of em seeming to budge
Jesus! There’s nothing to for me to become
If I’m happy to sit on my ass and imagine my team had a buzz
And it's never been easy for us, and then seeing the fuss over green little fucks that the media trumps while they leave us to eat up the crumbs
(Egregious)
And little by little I’m chipping away at the brittle facade of my will
To fulfill the ambitions I had as a child
Anxiety riddled, when time is an issue - I’m bound.
(You will not slow me down!)
I’m driven to finish the mission, no matter the prison I sit in,
Is mental or physical, when did this shit go to trial?
Possessed by a negative sense of denial and doubt
GET OUT MY HEAD! O DEMON.
V2 - TRIAL
Ladies & Gentlemen, May I direct attention to gaze on the evidence
that has been getting me fed up whenever presenting it/
Let it be known to the jury and judge of the court that I’m seeking a settlement
And a conviction to put the defendant to death
And I meant it when I said my etiquette wasn't as elegant
when I'm addressing this Son of a bitch in my presence
I bet if I let you reflect on elements that have been set up ahead of the
sentencing, you would agree with the sentiment - O, Demon
Look at the skeleton. People, now who could you tell it is?
who do you know that could truly renew it to sediment, ruin the specimen/
Who in the hell be as decadent,? Part of his nature - a testament/
To be compelled to kill - whether he had the intent is irrelevant/
Who is the addict of adding the panic, until you need medicine/
Brutally batter executives, sicken the pitiful peasant
The funeral debt is tremendous, we'll get a confession! Or better yet -
2 to a cell - if it’s time and anxiety in bed together,/
This beautiful serial killer has managed to kill everyone on the
planet 100% of the time, And his record is perfect,
and I will admit that I kind of admire that sort of commitment
Denying the feat - you’re committing a crime with that bit of assertion-
I’m ripping the curtain, revealing the truth and they get to observe it,
I’m beginning to see the effects and he’s getting so nervous/
If our bodies regenerate why in the fuck do we celebrate
Dying a day at a time from the poison he' gave us when birth hit/
And I’ve had it, no matter the verdict, I’m taking the law and I’m skirting it,
doing it dirty, I’m bringing the murderer down/
If it’s sounding like I’m in a hurry, or cursing you out/
You will not slow me down!
I want it so bad that I hate it, I’m breaking the barrier - racing
to win everything cause I made it personal vow
So either I die when I try or I throw in the towel.
UGH! GET OUT MY HEAD! O DEMON .
BRIDGE:
I don't wanna wake up. I don't wake up.
I don't wanna wake up. Anymore.
I feel it when I wake up. Like I just exposed a nerve.
Cannot shake the feeling - I left a single stone unturned.
I know your relentless, you’ll never stop coming to tear me to pieces
You hunting me, Crushing me, running me into the ground
Till I vanish when breaking the fucking speed of sound
You will not slow me down!
I know that I’m living on time that I borrowed,
And maybe tomorrow’s the day that I finally take my applause and bow/
I will not wake up in a panic again, starting now!
GET OUT MY HEAD! O DEMON.
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6. |
Cinder
03:00
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"Cinder"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP)
Time is long gone.
Come on.
You know you can't rely on me.
No.
And I won't ask you again.
No.
And I won't ask you again.
No.
And I won't ask you again.
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7. |
Moment
04:10
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"Moment"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP)
Time’s running out.
Hold onto this moment,
Cause you’re never gonna get it back.
I Hope you had the time of your life.
(repeat)
Now, What would you do with your time if you knew
you were gonna die in one day?
Would you jump through the hoops of your life with a boost,
or would you deny and complain
Would you run to the roof, suicidal and blue,
as if you were deciding your fate/
or better yet, now would you cut to the truth - you’d get as stupid as you could
all before you expired - no shame.
(Time’s running out). Hold on to this moment,
Cause you’re never gonna get it back.
And the time slides right by us and with a silence
without the slightest hint of a pitter pat
It’ll be fickle and shift on you, unpredictable, ticking fast when getting laughs
or it can drag when shit is bad
The future’s in my grasp, hmph, there it goes,
Now everything I was saying a second ago is in the past/
So we live with that.
Which tense, can you feel tension
Wait for it...in the 4th dimension
Ain’t no one getting over - The relentless
Pace forward is out of order with your senses
Take notice - not a time out/
So I hide every clock in my house/
I don’t wanna be reminded of my anxiety that when I’m idle
I’m wasting away while I count...down/
Waiting for a clean slate,
For pete’s sake! Lonely, waiting a dream date. High brow.
Ain’t no way to replace your mistakes
No matter how good a replay, might sound
Ain’t no fucking freeze-frame to see straight,
Waiting for the stars to align, or a plausible sign
or a law to be signed, As it all swishes by
Cause really, the only right - is right now.
Pow.
Hold onto this moment,
cause you’re never gonna get it back
And as each one passes, it adds baggage
you gotta drag into the next, till you quit or collapse,
Bit of romance in the concept of living fast
No sitting stagnant, ya stop and then it’s your ass
So we get attached to the madness of being frantic
Until we crash into walls that were built to last - And it’s tragic.
Niggas say give it time, but they’re spending mine while they give advice,
Luckily, I’m wise - it was set aside,
The simple take is that we’re dashing within our prime/
Then disintegrating into ash by the finish line
2 minutes in, 11 seconds gone,
You can feel the ticks burrowed in your bones
And they’re thoroughly devoted to murder while they’re serving you notice
The borrowing is over and tomorrow isn’t owed.
But I feel it in the bottom of my soul
I don’t wanna die and yo - that’s all I really know
I could live forever, but my body’s getting old/
God made a promise, but his clock his hella slow/
Holding your breath brings you closer to death
It’s the loneliest lesson you grow to detest
And this whole bit of flesh is a linear experience,
except of course, within the mind where the Delorean is kept
And I floor it...cause I...wanna...hold it…
stretch this...out for...all that’s...left/
before it...runs out..I’ma..own it…
With any doubts or small regrets
We’re born at the entrance to the passage of time
A form that’s defenseless to its savage design
We morph as we trek it/
Until the reaper escorts us to the exit - molted and breathless
Once upon a time - I learned that time is life,
And procrastination was theft
So, if time is money, then you gonna serve time,
When the time comes, life will pay for this debt/
Cause when time flies, bet it’s first class,
And the time line of credit burns fast,
So it’s high time, that you learn to manage it
and in the interest of saving time/
Two-timing, you’ll find is your worst habit/
Cause it’s about time that I faced the music
Because the way that I kill time is abusive
And time and again, I get by on a whim
I’m behind at halftime, and then right at the end is when I’m buying a win/
They tell me time is a snitch, but only time will tell
If telling time will you keep you outta the cell/
Time flies and it heals all wounds it’s an angel,
That’ll strangle you while it saves you. - Times up! - I’m grateful.
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8. |
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Tonedeff - "Glutton"
Written By: Tonedeff for QN5 MUSIC (ASCAP)
Produced By: NumberNin6
One is not enough, I’m a glutton.
Wanna take it all till there’s nothing
Grasping at the bottom when I plunge in
Never sleep because I’m always huntin - for more.
~~ Nothing is ever enough, because I am a gl-u-tton
Oh - Consumption is my only function
~~ If I run out, then I’m cuffing whatever you’re clutching
Never sleep because I’m always huntin - for more.
Mmmm. And I got that craving for it,
But I’m not depraved, well sorta/
When I’m out surveying sources/
For one of my most favorite courses/
Oh, I just want a tasty morsel,
staving off this aching torture
And the emptiness makes me nauseous
Till I’m sedated with weighty portions
Oh, but I’m aiming for more
And it never seems that I get a fill - It’s the same as before/
Then, whatever grabs onto my appetite, chase the allure
And I’m expanding my palate, till there’s pain in my jaw – awwww.
I wanna it taste all, and masticate the mass decay,
no trash or waste involved
A hasty mauling, place the staw in, savor the sauce
Till the flavor dissolves and I wanna scrape the walls. (n)
I gotta get another goodie, yup, but I gather,
It’s gonna be grimy going the way that it be going down/
I’m gonna give my gums a grueling goal on behalf of my stomach
That’s growling - notice the gain in the groans and growls/
It’s giving me grief,
But grinning is easy when I be gritting my teeth/
So don’t gimme no guilt trip, cause I know it’s an illness
That’s explodes with the real risks of grilling with grease
And this guttural call to gluttony’s all I know/
Cold - sputtering on the brink/
So gully, whore lust, more numbing, monopoly board money scores
Color me raw in pink/
The onus on me, is oh sloppy,
Yet folks’ll copy this soulless zombie
In a swollen body, only a hearty appetite for more
But at my core there’s a hole with no heartbeat.
UGH!
I want it all and I want it – (now)
Your heart, your soul, your (doubt)
Everything that’s breathing – (out)
Gets crushed in my (mouth)
I'm shameless.
And i wont get sober, theres No leftovers,
No matter what the state of my plate is
Hey this needless want is evil huh? but I need and want it
A precipice I never teeter on
Cause I seem to fall in deep to the balls when I heed the calling
We've evolved from a cauldron
where each and all reach and crawl for the profits
And breach the walls, trying to keep what you've got,
Yes, You'll feel the gnaw reaching down for your wallet
And I got a fever for the flavor of a kill
If I'm gonna meet my maker, then intaking his creation whole...filled
With a cheshire cat grin, and my deeds purged for him to discover
like... Please sir, can I have another?
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9. |
Sunrise (V2)
05:17
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Tonedeff - "Sunrise"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP)
When the day is done
And I can't breathe, no I can't see,
No, no with my eyes on fire.
Yeah, with my eyes on fire.
I feel like I'm working every single day of the week
And I can't sleep, no no, with my heart on fire.
Yeah, with my heart on fire.
The night has been so dark & cold
I want to walk all alone in the sunrise.
In the sunrise.
Do you wanna live? I wanna remember what it feels like
To be embedded in a real life
When the deal's dicey and it's evident it's another surreal night...
Then I'm f'in to check if the lid on my head is sealed tight.
Cause I would give anything to replenish the dream inside
Tethered together by a steal line -
Drawing it's heat from the light, deprived
Reaching for Helio's height's
Leaning without a means to survive, till the ceiling divides.
I hid every bit of esteem and concealed it inside -
Cause when you need to feed on it, then it eats you alive.
Cause when you believe that you're right and nobody's seeing your side
You tend to agree - I don't need another reason to die.
People can turn a blind eye and you've gotta pardon them
When your character flaw is a self-imposed martyrdom
Part of the prob is shock it exists -
It's seen but never felt like a victim describing a shot to a witness.
Isn't this just coincidence? The shit's a mess
Missing photosynthesis in this den I'm imprisoned within.
It's a sin as I wither away,
As if business will give me the pleasure that flickers and fades as I live in this haze
I wanna be riddled with millions of rays on the skin of my face
Till the cinnamon pigment is colored crimson in shade
And I've been in the gray and I'm sick of waiting
And I don't want to wonder anymore if the sun has risen today.
Let the sun rise on.
Let it shine on.
Until it burns away.
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10. |
Phantom
06:37
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"Phantom"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
There is nothing left when I’m inside out.
but I can walk through anything.
I disappear from pictures in my house.
But I can run through everything.
Everything, everything.
And I had to crawl through it all
so I could feel the loss peeling off.
And I have no armor at all,
and I feel so raw. Is this real or false?
I’m running through those walls.
Away.
Away.
Nothing hurts when I’m inverted.
Nothing hurts when I’m inverted.
Nothing can contain me.
Nothing can escape me.
Nothing that can hold me down.
I’d have to die to show you how.
Till then just let me see this through.
Till then just let me breathe through you.
Till then you’ll know that I’m around.
Even though I won’t be found.
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11. |
Five Sisters
04:55
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"Five Sisters"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
I got five sisters, tied to one mother
five different sides to uncover
Pick a part of her personality, each
And develop whoever you want to be
I got five sisters, all in one line
five gifts in all to combine
trace it to the root of our family tree
And here’s how each one is unique
Sister #1 had it rough,
And she took the brunt of the punishment, cause she was the first of the bunch
To an underage mother, who was tough,
No wonder she’d rush to married, at barely 16, and very young
She’d become the disciplinarian, but
the symptoms of the repression she suffered, would bubble over in lust
After a couple of marriages go bust,
She struggles with different daughters who mimmicked her, just as mother had done
Sister number #2’s sad news
The first out of four from my mother’s schizophrenic husband #2
The rumored most beautiful one of the group
In her unending quest for attention, she had a penchant for bad dudes
Who ruined her her magic with baggies and booze
And would lose the pure magnetism, and attraction that her mother exudes
She mentally never grew out of her youth.
As the master manipulator, of the ladies, she knew -
And you can be whoever you want.
So what you get whatever you need.
And you can be whoever you want.
So what you get whatever you need.
Sister #3 is Geneva
In times of war, she’s the center where the rest of them meet up
#2 would beat up her self esteem with a stream of grief,
saying that she was an overweight underachiever. and #3’d believe her ---
See - as a teen she married a dealer who’d mistreat her
who later OD’d, to leave her with babies to feed,
In need of a man she can keep, the pattern repeats, there’s talent beneath
Her broken mentality keeps her from all things that she dreams of
Sister #4 is our noah
The spiritual core - the enormous weight of it all - is too much to hold up
The only one with no sons or daughters and so she’s focused
The last to get married, first to graduate, perfect persona
So, opinions matter more - they control her - and that alone is her torture
So, fashion forward, it masking her frazzled aura for show
But the fact she’s mostly at home alone, and won’t pick the phone
Says the difficult role has been choking her growing older
Sister #5 is the fighter
Though the other 4 would pull out a knife to defend the others with no wind-up
if you saying something sly just to slight us
#5 will prolly blind you while driving, she’s got the eye of the tiger
This lioness’ll ride or die for her pride,
And she thriving on trying times, she’ll always find a way to survive in a bind
She made it a decade, with her guy doing time, and she’s by your side,
But god forbid, you cross her line, with a forgiveness too high to climb.
Now, it’s important to observe -
That the force of nature that birthed us, made "mother" more than a word
There’s so many states of this person, though some distortions occurred
That each of us absorbed a portion, in turn, we form into her
To secure our places and worth, this cunning runs in our genes
So we can change into different faces when it comes to our needs
I've got 5 sisters, but 6 mothers in deed,
Cause each one of them was a mother to me.
And you can be whoever you want.
So what you get whatever you need.
And you can be whoever you want.
So what you get whatever you need.
These pieces of me are yours, so own them.
|
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12. |
Use Me
03:41
|
|||
|
"Use Me"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
V1:
I’m your puppet, no strings attached.
Complete any task you could dream to ask.
I could pretend that I need you back
So that at opposite ends, we’re an even match/
Damn, I didn’t mean to snap
I will cooperate, tell me your three commands/
The way I coddle you, quell all your greed, demands/
You’d think I’d conjured a spell from a genie’s lamp
Hey somebody gotta be the master/
On a team there’s captains,on the seas - commanders
Honestly I’m glad with how you lead the path.
So, I’m willing to sacrifice all it seems you’re after/
I’m kinda fond of the leaching act with all the schemes & plans
My self-esteem is damaged,
And a hunter never questions an easy catch -
It didn’t take a documentary to teach me that/
Now, I’m seeing the pattern, it’s easy to add up,
I’m never the one to leave when it’s bad or to keep it from happening
Inevitably the reason you pass with sneaky tactics
Is some karmic revenge from my seedy past - Uh!
I can’t help it - I’m free but I’m trapped - CHOOSE
A black pelican whose wings have been snapped - MOVE
And you’re selling pics to people to peep me intact.
Abuse me. Use me.
BRIDGE:
Cause everybody loves you the day you make em a millionaire
Till someone else can make em a billionaire
Till someone else can make em trillionaire
Let's see you take away the things they want,
Will they still be there?
V2:
So...did you get everything your heart desired?
And is there anything you want revised?
Cause I’ll go editing the fabric of my being
‘Til the thread of me is casually tossed aside
See I’m tailor-made to cater to your whims
for an awesome price, see the cost is pride
If you can live with and admit it’s been a grift/
Stickin' around for the gifts like a mobster’s wife/
Right, I don’t wanna bring your flaws to the light
Cause I’m partly responsible like
If I ever stumbled in the wake of all your lies
I know without a doubt it wouldn't even stop your stride/
I wish I was somebody more like you
with no conscious, drive and a darker side
And still appear half-sane /
But it’s too late to be launching a fucking smear campaign when the marker’s dry
I’m feeling a bit lost inside
though I thought I was holding my moral compass right side up
But my mind’s kinda stuck,
Deciding if I should draw the line at the crossing sign/
So, which way is wrong? Is it right? CHOOSE.
Switch daily as long as you like. MOVE.
Hit play on this song, you can call me tonight.
Abuse me. Use Me.
|
||||
13. |
Filthy (V2)
03:44
|
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|
Tonedeff - "Filthy"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music.
Girl You're so sexy.
I want your body.
I want your girlfriend to play with me.
I want to see you dancing.
With her by your side.
I wanna see your bodies collide.
I want to cum inside that ass, girl.
I want to watch you creaming out.
I want another girl to be there
And watch it drip into her mouth.
I want to fuck your dirty pussy.
I want to beat it inside out.
I want to pull it out her ass, girl...
And slide it right into your mouth.
Filthy.
I don't know what I'm doing,
But I want to be with you no matter what it takes.
I want to taste your girlfriend.
And I want to get you both to do something out of your faith.
I want to get you naked.
And both of y'all can take your seats,
My face or my feet, you choose.
I want to make you do things
that you'd never tell your girlfriends that you do.
Oh no! (Don't wanna read it)
Oh no! (Don't wanna see it)
It's true! (You'd rather do it)
It's true! (You're so into it)
Oh no! (Don't wanna read it)
Oh no! (Don't wanna see it)
It's true! (You'd rather do it)
It's true! (You're so into it)
I want to cum inside that ass, girl.
I want to watch you creaming out.
I want another girl to be there
And watch it drip into her mouth.
I want to fuck your dirty pussy.
I want to beat it inside out.
I want to pull it out her ass, girl...
And slide it right into your mouth.
Filthy.
|
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14. |
Narcissus
03:04
|
|||
|
Narcissus
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
Look at me. Look at you.
Looking at me. Looking at you.
Looking at me looking at me.
Looking at you looking at you.
Life’s a house of mirrors - I’m hooked to the view.
I wipe em down to clear em - I’m pushing up through
A thousand idle copies of me smushed in a room.
Bluer than Jonathan Osterman’s and I’m just as aloof
A crowd of identical twins I mistook as a crew
I found that I can’t count on myself, need onlooker approval
Let’s hammer it home, shatter my sense of self
A fragmented soul, I’m the emptiest shell
No courtesy from love - so I measure this wealth
In the currency of lust - and I'm spending it well
I’m your heaven or hell. Echoed sentiments swell.
As you beg me to mention your name, heckle and yell.
Girls in their dresses worshiping mirrors
Live for the spotlight won't you come near us
Boys serve as minions, ready to serve as the
Cameras give life to the death on the surface.
It’s all about me.
Come with us.
Fuck a thousand words I could spend it on one picture
Plunge to drown your thirst and pretend I'm a mug - sip up!
Drunken off the curves, till you’re bent into submission.
Listen! Your thumbprint is a drug to our numbed senses/
In love with our reflection - it’s us! It’s an obsession -
We’re stuck - in the sum of our ourselves,
Publish the self as something to sell, an addiction to wishing that we were somebody else.
Now, if you follow along, well then you can follow me back
If you’ve got me all in your paws, you’re within the palm of my hand/
If you got a comment, then all of it better be positive -
Act up and you will be barred - I am God and this pixel facade is my chapel
The rapture within an app, I read your responses and laugh,
Please throw your hearts in the basket, scream to all that you tapped it then pass it along
Authors of captions craft me a psalm - like I am an icon.
Refreshing! I'm a symbol of my status.
|
||||
15. |
||||
|
"More Like You (feat. Fjer)"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
Additional Lyrics by: Fjer
In the loneliest hour.
I'm smaller.
...And as I pushed back with seven years of strength
To clear my face of the pillow, I feel your weight
I remember the wet material ’s taste, threads drenched with spit and tears on the case
If he put me to rest, then it’s here that I’d lay
Just as my breath disappears, they peel you away, protesting and smearing your name
The resentment and fear and anger contained in your beer ridden gaze
Are etched in and seared in my brain, that memory’s clear as the day
You attempted to seal my fate
But I know that you love me.
Though you tried to drown your son with your sorrows.
You’d rather choke me than hug me.
I learned that I was promised nothing tomorrow.
You were so fucking ugly, that it gored my mind/
So I hate that your mug is looking more like mine
No matter how much I scrub, it’s getting worn by time
Isn’t the irony humbling?
Listen, I just don’t know how else I’m s’posed to say this
But I hated your guts through the 80's and maybe ‘91 at the latest
Don’t play it like this statement here’s belated
Cause, there is a type of pain that’ll stay with you way into later ages
And since anger is the stage that follows denial,
Well, this phase of bargaining’s how I can face you to blame you for these behaviors
You’re the basis for my values, though I’ve changed within
You still have to appraise the painting by the frame it’s in
And, the traces are paper thin. The saying is ‘blood is thicker than water’
Cause no one can strain or rinse off the sins of the father
A major difference from mothers sisters & daughters
We’re raised to live up to similar bars and yet one’s the signature product
So the pressure’s on you. “The stress is hard!” Cool.
The lessons start and they’re cruel. It’s a messy job, but you do it.
So, let’s be honest in full that we’d best acknowledge the truth
Our resemblance stopped when you ruined an immense part of my youth.
Talk when I'm through.
I live in the fear of -
reflections getting clearer.
As years go by, I see the proof.
I look more and more like you.
More and more like you.
Oh what a conquest! I’m everything you wish you could be.
You were always in conflict and distant, so resisting to speak
You’re an accomplice in bringing out the victim in me.
No matter what I accomplish - I’m still living with this glint of defeat
The issues that seem insistent on clinging from our history is ______
I was the kid you would beat, when pissed at my sisters for things
Admittedly, you exhibited clear cut chivalry, here in this scene
Couldn’t hit them women - who isn’t your seed.
Or whipping on me with a thick metal buckle because I had tripped up my niece
Or I misplaced a shoe when fitting to leave
Giving me grief, Military steeze discipline
grill to grill like a drill sergeant, bark on a six-year-old, rinse & repeat
or pinning my twisted addiction to sleaze
Begins with the pictures & zines you hid, as I leaped, the mattress slid underneath
Perhaps the 15 years it took you to visit jilted me,
Skipped the greeting, dipped and used my crib like a Hilton to sleep
For a night, oh that’s right, still pissed at my decision to flee
the difference between is and isn’t just in our genes
with limited means, neither quit and the ship didn’t sink
We’re living symbols of the immigrant dream.
Now, peep the rifts in our symmetry
Your story’s so tragic - On some Dickens shit you could lift from a page
You thought your father was absent. but your mother stole you off then shipped you away
And though you had no examples, And no authority figure to chase
You taught your son what a man was, even though you were lost, you’d spin in one place
bitter frustration became centrifugal rage as you flipped your shit for a chick
with 5 kids to her name, you overcommitted, filled up your plate
a way to fix what you missed in the case of family
A slave to decisions you made at 20 - now with an infant to blame
Driven insane. Quick to dismay. Drink yourself to a primitive state
I know how addictions limit the pain,
So, you get your kicks when you stray, It’s a vicious cycle decaying your platelets
So when you get sick it's your end of days
But it isn’t, your Mrs. nurses you back to existence, you’ve changed
A new beginning but your ambition’s the same
I wish you’d quit playing the victim, switch up the aim
Live for the day and then rage while it’s still in the tank
Listen to a son with no children to raise
A son who’s afraid that his image will mimic mistakes
A son who’s drifting in space, but inches away, fit with your face
Before this shit gets too late, then listen, this is my forgiveness in spades.
If you could, erase the things you’d said and done.
Would you? Or is your only answer to run?
Run from my childhood.
Run from your guilt.
See how you shattered me and buried yourself.
My silhouette has been cut from your past.
I will forgive you - as your face becomes my mask.
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16. |
Control
09:46
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|
"Control"
Written & Produced By: Tonedeff for QN5 Music (ASCAP).
Stay. No, don’t.
Go away. Come close.
When I say what I want’s not the same as what I’ve done. Oh no.
It’s coursing through my veins.
Coursing through my veins.
I’m out of control.
I can never tell when it’s over.
When I say what I want’s not the same as what I’ve done. Oh no.
It’s coursing through my veins.
Coursing through my veins.
But I want control.
The jenga pieces were fucked from the start.
Cause everything that I touch falls apart.
There’s a faulty part of me resting, till it gets the best of me,
let’s me reach for the structure and then it shoves on my arm,
I expect to be late - in a rush, cause it’s smart
And it deafens my head to negate the buzz of the alarm.
Though I set it, I slept through it - wait...which one is the mark?
And who medelled? I wrestle with blame - while drunk up at the bar.
Then I’m shredded to death the next day - too hungover to march
to the set of this expletive play, in what’s known as a farce
This director resents and degrades - I flub all of my parts
and I exit the stage, yet I claim that I’m numb to his remarks
I’m an expert in lessening in pain, I cut over the scars
So the flesh that is left can remain untouched, pure as the dawn
But the second it festers, I rage. Destruction of the facade
Ain’t no guessing the recipe’s flavor, when crunched under the char
It’s excessive in plenty of ways, I’m stumped? Then I restart
Cause If it ain’t perfection, I fade - I run towards the dark
Like there’s medicine kept in the shade - he crumples up the art
I regressively step and the baby gets dumped with the water
The penalty’s heft on mistakes is much heavier/harsh
So, when I mess up - reset the game - and thus - never go farther
A vet to rejection and hate, I’m huddled in my guard
So instead when I’m sent a grenade, I can bump it out the park
But he tends to deflect any praise and lumps it with the snark
My perception is - yes, I’m afraid I’ll fumble at 1 yard.
I’m sweating whenever there’s bets to be placed, stuttering over the odds
Leveraging a defensive delay, by shuffling the cards
Petrified of success and acclaim, he stumbles over the blocks
Every hex is accepted with grace, he’s comfortable in the loss
He projects, the trajectory’s safe, it’s control he can chart
There’s sympathetic attention to gain - the shrug nobody wants
And it's all the expense of his angst, I gun solo - it’s hard
instead of help - incessant delays - it does most of the harm
And when wave of depression came, he jumped right over the barge
And in my dread, I was led astray and I dug holes in my yard
My ex suggested we separate, cause I suffocate with art
But there were many more pressing plagues, that were stuffed within our cart
And then when I checked out, I felt my brain, I shut it in response,
Ain't no prep for the sense of shame, when your woman knows you lost - 40
I felt dejected, my selfish ways, had crushed my lover’s heart
And then my plus 1 departs, like they were plucked from the ark
Temporarily end the ache, with sluts, hoes and thots
On the bus home I’m starving, cause my stomach’s full of knots
And as I slept in this bed of blades - he’s puffing a cigar
Cause he deceptively fed me bait, and drugged me with his charm
It’s like a sedative - hence the haze, you’re somehow absolved
Knowing there’s someone else in charge as you plummet and you fall
I relent and self-deprecate, and publicize my flaws
Turning these lemons to lemonade, in a punch filled with straws
Everyone begs me to get a taste, it’s ugly but it’s strong
As I struggle to evolve from a duck into a swan
yet this devil won’t let me change, he’s sunk in with his claws
Until he collects every debt I pay, I’m stuck within these walls
I’m living within an enemy state of mind, but instead of a stranger, penning these checks,
The evidence states, the enemy’s name is mine.
HOOK
I’m outta control. I want you to know that my mind is my foe, and it vies for the throne
I’m trying to hold it inside, but it won’t
Subside and it grows, unless I can oppose it by fighting to own
what I’ve pridefully thrown to the side cause I’m prone to be private and closed
So, writing this tome where I’m highly exposed, helps lighten the load
of the lies and loathing, the size of a boulder that’s tied to me
Hope l survive to be old and wiser, bestowed with the spite that I’m owed
from the life that I’ve broken - the price of atonement is dying alone
And I’m out of control - And I’ve driving it home - every wind in road Is the kind that erodes
And behind me it’s broke, I stay alive going forward and hide from my ghosts,
but this self-sabotage is a complex process where the conflict’s
brought upon by my own impulsive thoughts and then I’m haunted at night by them both
I was psyched to propose, so hyper with goals, and despite this he chose, to incite a divorce
And reclined as a drone in his stifling work, then he cries in remorse
In a cycle of woe, it’s dividing my soul
And one side’s got to go. But I just cannot decide if I’m the parasite or the host.
No.
There’s something wrong with my head.
That shouldn’t be there.
I’m out of control.
I’m out of control.
I’m out of control.
I’m out of control.
Don’t ever change. Don’t ever change.
Cause it won’t change. No it won’t change anyway. (41)
So you can stay the way you are.
The way you are.
|
||||
Tonedeff New York
Emcee / Producer / Singer / Songwriter / Designer / Director / Insomniac.
Tonedeff recommends:
Lucy Camp is the future. Beyond her unbelievable rapping capabilities, she's completely fearless and versatile with her sound. You literally never know what to expect from her.
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Adultish (Deluxe Edition)
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hectic zeniths
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This album saved my life. It's instrumental. Maybe that's what I needed at the time, but it got me through when I needed it most. Fantastic melodies and memorable moments. LOVE it.
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I think this is the most Cunninlynguists’ underrated project and glad to have this as a vinyl. Cunninlynguists are probably the most unique, exciting group in hip hop history.. cheers from Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦
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Peace or Power
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Only a few words... Soul Food! You made my day... again and again and again... thx!!!
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Futuristic feminist hip-hop, the first full debut EP from this young, ultra-talented Californian and her team of way-out producers.
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